I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
