who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
