i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
