Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I supernannyed him into submission
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
