I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
