I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
