Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
