i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
