so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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