I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
