The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you never un-have a 4some
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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