help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
