in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
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I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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