i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
