just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
