One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
