You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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