You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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