I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize