Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
