Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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