We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
