Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
