I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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