please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
