Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
