am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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