mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
