lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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