And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
