Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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