Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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