I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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