I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
