Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
