Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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