Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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