There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
