god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he wants to bone in the snuggie
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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