you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
