proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
