I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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