I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
