batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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