Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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