Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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