I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
