someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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