i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
