apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
