I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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