"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize