I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
