sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
