you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
