We're facebook friends in real life
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
