The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
