so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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