Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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