yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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