dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
