last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
