she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
be right there i have to get my cape
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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