your room smells of hookers.
And success
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
