ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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