apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
