Can i not drive my cunt home
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
