Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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