we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
