My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
