I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
