You don't have asthma, your pregnant
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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