Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
