Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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