Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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